This weekend I got to experience God's blessing.
People have said on many occasions that you can't out-give God. If you are faithful to tithe, to trust God with your finances, and step out in faith, then you will see and experience the providence of God in ways that would blow your mind.
I've heard that from more lips than I can count, and all from esteemed, well-established ministers who have walked that road and have come out with those experiences in hand. They know what they are talking about. I had thought that I was 'living by faith'. I thought that I was being obedient with my money. I have tithed all of my working life, and in fact have tried to make it a practice to give more than 10%.
But sometimes I get a little possessive with the rest of it. I am ok instituting rules in my life. Laws are easy. Religion is easy. It gives clear definitions on what is and isn't to be. There's no heart in it, no submitting to God, no listening to Him, other than the original heart transaction that caused the law to be instituted in the first place.
Listening to God, however, and "giving as God leads you" is more difficult. There is more room for self-justification, for doubt, for greed, for fear, or for any of those things to war against submission to, trust in, and relationship with God. It becomes easy to say, "Is God really asking me to give that?" or "But there are so many things that I could do with that instead/this is what I was planning on doing with that" or "If I give then I won't have enough for this".
I think part of the reason I get that way is this: I have not on a regular basis allowed room in my life for trusting God to provide. I mean like, provide in the extreme. I've had to trust God for student loans. But it's not like, trust for basic essentials of life: food, shelter, etc. If I didn't get student loans then I wouldn't go to school - but I could still eat. I still had a job and I could still travel, I could still do the things I wanted.
This weekend I went to Vancouver. It was my niece's birthday party this Saturday, and the majority of my family was going to be there. But it's super expensive to travel from Hardy to Vancouver. I desperately wanted to go but I knew that I couldn't afford it, and had decided to cancel my trip. But I said, "Ok God, if you want me to go, then you need to get me there."
A day or two later, a friend from Nanaimo texted me to tell me that she had tickets to a concert in Vancouver on Saturday night. She said that if I could get to Nanaimo then she could get me to Van. And it just so happened that one of my youth was moving to Parksville on Friday. So I asked, and his mom graciously let me hitch a ride with them, and even drove me the extra way to Nanaimo.
Here's where the extreme trusting comes in. I had set aside some money to go down. Things came up and I ended up having only the bare minimum to cover ferry costs and a little bit extra. I hadn't given my tithe yet, and I knew I could take it as a buffer. But God has also been challenging my heart position - to honour God by tithing FIRST, and trust him to provide for the rest. I had gotten into the habit of dipping into my tithe and repaying it later if I was running low on money and hadn't given my tithe yet. Kind of like a credit card. Essentially even though I was being technically obedient by eventually tithing, I wasn't trusting.
All those stories about God's providence and blessing came to mind - and I made a decision to give my tithe before I left for Vancouver. Let me tell you, I came away more blessed and with a surplus than what I had gone down with. The thing was, it was an active trust experience: the act of trust didn't stop with me tithing. I had to trust each time I went on the ferry; I had to trust each time I went to buy food; I had to trust each time I took transit, etc. And I watched the blessing and providence pour in.
Side note: God knows the desire of our hearts. As a teenager I loved the band that we went to see. I only dreamed of seeing them, then the opportunity was lost as they disbanded. But they have a comeback tour more than a decade later - and I get to see them for free! A desire and a love that I had as a teenager - God cared about. Interesting thing - halfway during the concert, a woman that worked there gave us free tickets to the same band for the next night's show, only better seats. It was blessing and favour - and I felt God say that not only did he have a different blessing for me that next night, but also that I was to pass on a blessing. So I declined to go - and got to pass God's goodness on to someone else.
Through people, this weekend, God showed his love, favour, providence, and blessing to me. People spontaneously gave to me, wanted to bless me. I came back home with boxes of things that I needed and a cheque in my pocket. I came back refreshed, relaxed, and with far more than I had left with.
God knows what I need. God knows what you need. And he knows the desires of our hearts - remembers them, even if we forget. And he gives more than we even ask or imagine. I want to live from a place of implicit, extreme trust - because I know that it's the safest place to be.
