Intercessors!

It's my day off, so when I got a call saying that someone was in the lobby to see me (I live at work) - I was slightly unhappy. I was still in my pyjamas.

But I'm glad I met the person. It was a young man from the Nanaimo area, who felt led by the Lord to go to 18 specific cities on the Island and pray, starting in Port Hardy, and making his way down.

Well. That was kind of cool. He wanted to know about some of the specific prayer needs for Port Hardy, so I got to sit and chat with him about what God's been doing here and what we feel God is going to do. I wrote down a sheet full of prayer items, gave him our contact info, and prayed him off.

I tell you this because God is good - we've been praying for intercessors to come, to pray, to cover us in prayer and cover in prayer the move of God. I also feel that this guy's job is to break ground - till the soil kind of thing. Prepare the way.

Thank You God for that man, bless him, go with him, let him walk in power and authority! Amen.

If you think of him, pray for him. If you think of us in Port Hardy, pray for us. If you think of Vancouver Island, pray for it!

SOZO!

We have been doing a Sozo class at our church, which is essentially an inner healing ministry. It deals with wounds and lies that may have come in during our lifetime, specifically regarding how we see the Godhead - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I'm discovering that everything in our life is affected by how we see God. For example, if we see Him as an Abraham Lincoln type statue, we will feel that He is unapproachable, cold, distant, etc. Our relationship with Him will be based on that, and how we live our lives will be built around that.

One of the things we do is we exchange the wound/lie/whatever for what God wants to give. And all throughout the last few days, I've been seeing flowers. A specific type of flower. I'm not into flower meanings, but I kept seeing this one specific flower, so I finally looked it up. It fit right into what God was speaking to me about. I think it's cool that God speaks in so many different ways. All this to say that God is good, He is into restoration, and He is into bringing life to His children.

Treat Myself

Today is Valentine's Day, as you may know. A time to receive cards, gifts, chocolates, and the like. So far, I've received: two packages of chocolates, a Charlie Brown Valentine from one of my preteens (so awesome), and I won a peppermint-themed Valentine's gift basket with spa essentials. Too deadly, as a friend would say. I've also spent it with a couple of great tea/coffee dates with friends. I saw that a local pub is having a Valentine's pasta night, but since I'm busy tonight (with worship band practice), I decided to make myself pasta. And it's fantastic. (In my opinion). So because today is supposed to be about giving - I'll share my "recipe" with you.

I'm pretty loose with what I put in pasta sauce. It depends on what I have in stock, and what I feel like having. Today it worked out quite well. Here's what I did:

Sautéed up an onion and celery in a splash of olive oil. Took my handy-dandy Watkins garlic peppercorn blend and ground a healthy dash of that onto everything. (It has oregano and sea salt as well). Threw in a dried bay leaf and a tsp more of garlic powder. Added a dash of Knorr (I think) Buffalo sauce - I like spice - and a dash of Lea & Perrins worcester. Added a generous helping of sundried tomatoes. (All while sautéing). Threw in a half-pound of extra-lean ground beef, stirred it up nice n good. Sprinkled a satisfying amount of Watkins cinnamon in. Ground some more sea salt, and multi-coloured peppercorn in. Added a can of italian-spiced stewed tomatoes, and a can of earthpure organic tomato sauce. Added broccoli and cauliflower (add them last so that they're not soggy). Simmered it all while the bowtie pasta was cooking!

That's it, ladies n gentlemen! It would have been even better with a sprinkle of cheese, possibly feta, but I was out.

I definitely felt loved as I was enjoying my home-cooked pasta. Happy Valentines!

I am the bestest cook evaaaaaar!

I am currently making creamy tomato curry chicken veggie rice soup. Say that 10x fast. So far, it tastes good. But I need to let the rice (and the flavours) cook. I can smell the aromas wafting around my house as we speak. De-e-lish.

However, I tried making dairy-free gluten-free quinoa cranberry orange cookies last night.
The first batch of cookies came out crumbly. Or should I say, as crumbles. (No, flax water did not work well as an egg substitute.)
So I chucked in an egg for the next batch. Came out as cookies, but kind of, well, flavourless and a bit dry. Hot from the oven, and slathered with butter, they are edible. If I double-baked them I might be able to turn the batter into an acceptable biscotti.

Speaking of other cooking accomplishments, I came in second at my church's annual chilli cook-off. Kind of exciting since I beat the senior pastor, who is a professional chef. ;)
What made my chilli so amazing, you ask? (I don't know, I actually voted mine third, with pastor's as second.) But I'll tell you what was in it, if I can remember!
Chili-seasoned ground pork (yes I cheated a bit, but I made it right after church so i didn't have time to let the flavours simmer like everyone else did); quinoa; a bean trio I got from Costco comprised of mung beans, lentils, and adzuki beans; black beans; chili powder of course; roasted onions, celery and garlic, tossed in olive oil and crushed sea salt; diced tomatoes, tomato paste; honey... and I can't remember what else. (I cook based on intuition and smell, and I usually have a flavour or taste or sense in my mind of what I want, and cook toward that.) Oh right. I fried up bacon and tossed the vegetables in that when roasting them. I wanted a smoky flavour to my chilli and that was the only thing I had that was smoky. Plus, bacon makes everything better. (The chilli that I voted as #1 was ridiculously smoky. It was incredible. They used BBQ sauce, of all things.)

I've been on a quinoa kick lately. I got a quinoa cookbook for Christmas and have been poring over the recipes avidly. I have attempted a couple - well, the concepts - and both times they've come out a little less...just less... than I'd expected. But that's entirely my fault. I am a very spontaneous and adventurous cook and I usually don't use recipes for anything other than inspiration. Then again, I rarely bake - and the lesson I am learning is, recipes must be followed when it comes to baking! Someone gave me the advice of not to change a recipe until I've first done it to the letter. The next time start to make changes. Good advice that I think I will stick to, if I can. ;)

Beekeeper For A Day

Visiting Dad and Amanda is always an adventure. This morning, I got to tag along with them as they made their weekly rounds to their beehives. I was charged with being the photographer, something I heartily enjoyed. So I suited up, made sure my veil was snugly in place, and shot to my heart's content. I felt like the paparazzi, capturing any juicy or slightly interesting moments. I even got to see the queen (of one hive, anyway). Dad and Amanda explained to me what they were doing - checking the brood pattern of the queens; making sure there were no super cells; sugar dusting to inhibit mites; and generally inspecting the health of the hives. They have several hives on three different fields; two fields grow raspberries and the third has some beautiful blueberry bushes. I was able to touch a bee and not get stung, and I had the opportunity to sample honey straight from the comb! Here is a selection of some of the pictures I took.

You stop posting pictures of your kids, and I'll stop posting pictures of my dog.

I am inundated with posts of marriage, weddings, anniversaries, engagements, baby births, baby birthdays, baby dedications, baby steps, baby poops.... not actually joking.
I want to be an obnoxious pet owner and post pics and updates of every little snort and scratch that my dog does. Oh wait... I do that already.
I'm sure people don't want to see pictures of my dog sleeping, for the 47th time. I don't want to see yet another picture of little Sally mashing her face into birthday cake. Unless you're a good friend or relative. Then bring it on.

My heart is beating for...

I am getting the powerful urge to write music. I've written one song, for school. But every time I listen to Bethel lately, I want to write music. Just sayin'.

Check out these lyrics that Brian Johnson from Bethel Live sings (Originally by Delirious?):

"Open my eyes to see
The wonderful mystery of love
Falling into you
I'm drawn to the gravity of love

We're standing still in a moment of eternity
Where worlds collide and I feel the breath of heaven over me

My soul sings [x3]
How I love you [oh I love you]

Open the page and see
The wonderful history of love
I start and end with you
I'm pulled to the gravity of love"


So good.

The spirit is willing but...

...sometimes, ya just gotta have chocolate. Or salt n vinegar chips. Or candy.

The End.

Discovery #2...and up

My foray into the world of kale chips, roasted chick peas, and quinoa has brought about some interesting discoveries. More than just how awesome kale chips are. I'll share:

1. The more veggies you eat, the more veggies you have to eat.
2. Asparagus makes you pee more. It also makes your pee smell weird. (I'm not the only one. Trust me.)
3. Eating more vegetables enhances your sense of smell. Or at least, it allows me to distinguish between smells better now that my olfactory senses are not clogged with fat and meat.
4. Sesame oil makes everything better. It also makes your clothes stink.
5. Bloating after eating does not mean you're full. It means you've been eating unhealthy food all your life.
6. More veggies, more tea, and no coffee makes my skin nice. Ahhh, nice skin.
7. I really can live without coffee.
8. Any vegetable can taste good, provided you use enough sauce.
9. Any vegetable can taste good, once you get rid of the sauce.
10. Sharing tasty veggies introduces others to the wonders of yummy veggies. Veggies = not scary.

Here's a yummy veggie recipe à la www.vegansociety.com. Check it out.

Discovery #1

I'm on a journey. One that includes kale chips and curry roasted chick peas. And sea salt edamame.

All of which you should try. Specifically the kale chips. Easy to make and ridiculously nutritious, these are surprisingly delicious, crispy-crunchy snacks that go down the tube far better than they have right to.

It's easy. Get a head of kale from your grocery store. Wash, stem, and dry them well. Rip them up into bite-sized pieces. Toss them in olive oil and only a little sea salt (as they are naturally salty) and lay them on a baking tray. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, or until they move freely on the pan when you shake it. You may need to turn them over at the 5 min mark. Consume. Repeat process because you're shocked at how good this rabbit food actually is.

In the two times I've made it, I've eaten them right out of the pan because I am so amazed at how good they are. Yeah. They're that yummy.

You're welcome.

True Colours, a Mirror, and a 12-string

Remember those personality tests that you had to take in CAPP class in highschool? Y'know, the ones that classified you as ridiculous things like otters or lions or different colours? You're blue: very sensitive to other people's emotions. You love music and butterflies and cry at sappy movies.

Those things were such junk, in my opinion. At least, at that time. I was not self-aware enough to know whether I was the type of person to prefer working on their own or in a group, felt liberated by structure or felt hemmed in, loved the outdoors or was a homebody. They were junk (in my opinion) because they were totally subjective. Of course I am going to say "I prefer outdoors" and "structure cramps my style" - they were way cooler! I based my answers on what I thought should be; the ideal standard of perfection, not due to any real measure of self-awareness. Yes, all 16-year olds have SOME self-awareness, but I am in my *sniff* mid-twenties and I am still figuring out some basic keys to how God made me. I didn't really even start having more than a superficial level of self-awareness until my first or second year of college. Of course, I may be just speaking for myself here. I may have just been clueless. Perhaps due to the death-grip of insecurity on my life, I wasn't able or willing to see who I "really" was, because it didn't meet with my unrealistic standards I put on myself as positive, desirable qualities. Thankfully, God has healed me of a lot of that insecurity and I am beginning to see what an amazing, talented, beautiful person I am. And before you think that I am blowing my own horn, I'll share with you an insight I got last night at church.

Pastor George was sharing about being creatively made with our unique gifts and callings on our lives. As we took communion, we each went and stood in front of a large mirror set up on a paint easel, with these words written across the top and bottom: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" and "His blood was shed and His body was broken FOR ME!!!" And as he was explaining what to do, telling us that we were uniquely made, I got this picture of a standard, I guess a measuring tape or line. And I realized that each person was made by God with a different standard than everyone else. He doesn't use the same measuring tape with you as He does with me. He broke the mould, you could say, with each different person. So yes, I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful. So are you. Measured by the standard that He made you by, you are amazing and beautiful and incredible.

Here's another way to put it. I acquired an acoustic 12-string guitar at a garage sale. I want to refinish it and restain it, bring out some of the original wood tones. To do this I needed to find out what this guitar was, where it was made, and how valuable it was. Being an amateur, I didn't want to ruin some hidden gem I might have stumbled across. So of course, I Googled it. These were some of the main themes running through the forums:

1. If it was massed-produced, it was less valuable.
2. Conversely, the more unique it was, the more valuable.
3. The higher the quality of resources used to make it (ie., higher quality wood, etc), the more valuable.
4. If it had been made by, owned by, signed by, came in contact with, wanted by, or heck, even was in the same room with a famous person, its value increased exponentially.

We are not massed produced. We are each uniquely made! Even twins, who have the same DNA, have different phenotypes that express their DNA differently. Those twins will live different lives, will have different personalities, likes and dislikes, will have different spiritual gifts. We are all uniquely made. God broke the mould with each one of us.

We were made with the highest quality materials possible! Jack London in Call of the Wild (I think) once described the villain, "Beauty" as looking as if he were made with the dregs of God's colour palette mixed together. I weep that people think of themselves that way! It's more like John Hammond in Michael Crighton's Jurassic Park kept saying: "I spared no expense." God spared no expense for you! The Bible says he thought of you before you were born, and his thoughts about you are more numerous than the sand on the seashore! Who thinks that much about junk?! Do people go around thinking all the time about each item at the dump? No! We are not junk! Genesis talks about man and woman being the pinnacle of God's creation. While he called the vast beauty of the sun, moon and stars, the oceans and mountains and all of creation "Good" - he looked at man and woman and called them "VERY Good!"

And lastly - we have been made by, paid for and owned by, signed and sealed by, wanted by, in contact with and in the presence of the most famous, incredible person there is - God! We have been made by the best Craftsman there is. I doubt even Les Paul could make stars, and with a mere word! Who can put the universe together with such precision? Who could hang the earth on its axis, create the smallest atoms to work together, create energy and matter and all things period! Not only that, but he has paid for us with the most precious currency of all: Jesus' blood. Jesus gave up a sinless, exalted position to be among His people, and also to die for us. We have a value that is literally beyond measure. God wants us! He desires to be in relationship with us - now, and in heaven. Thank God that he raised Jesus from the dead, allowing us to have life too!!

So you, reader, whether you have previously known Jesus or have had a first-time introduction through this blog - know that God loves you! That he made you special and unique and incredible. That he wants you for you, he wants to be in your life, and he gave up his son Jesus for you. If you don't know you're loved, ask God to show you! And ask God to show you the different, unique parts of yourself so that you can celebrate it. :)

Thinking away the Holy Spirit, part 1

I've come to sense a rising dissatisfaction in myself about certain viewpoints of those in the Church. By "the Church" I mean those in my limited sphere of influence, those within the church experiences that I've had since the beginning of my 10 year journey as a committed follower of Christ.

My dissatisfaction is that I see a growing trend of people "thinking away the Holy Spirit". The phrase that has been rolling around in my head, through probably not proper English, is "intellectualism". It's where understanding, perceiving, and judging spirituality through a cognitive lens is the end-all of our Christian walk.

Before I go further, please understand that I am not saying "throw away your brain" regarding faith. Please don't think that I in any way want people to stop thinking about Christ, His works, the Holy Spirit, theology or ANY of that. God instructed us to love him with every part of us, including our brains. In fact, I think that meditating on God is an act, a part of life, a discipline that can bring us closer to him.

But what I am seeing is that people are too willing to trade experience with God for an intellectual commentary about God. To have a collection of facts regarding Jesus is like having a collectable baseball card about Jesus. You can know all the stats you can possibly get about Jesus but never have an experience of meeting Him. Or worse yet, having met Him once at the moment of salvation and then gone on to be satisfied with collecting those cards and stats about Him, rather than a life-long, ever deepening relationship with Jesus.

And I feel like what has been happening among my local Christian community is that we judge experiences with Jesus based on the stats we've memorized. We discuss and argue and discern with knowledge that we've accumulated secondhand, none or little substantiated with current, intimate experiences with Jesus. Yes, Scripture gives us a foundation of truth on which to base our faith because it gives us a backdrop of the heart of our Father. It gives us a wealth of knowledge and a myriad of insights into God's character, into who Jesus is, who the Holy Spirit is. If the experiences that we have do not line up to the heart of God and line up with His character as outlined in the Scriptures, then we obviously need to be careful.

But please, let's not stop at the Scriptures! Let's carry the Scriptures with us as we run into the loving arms of our Father! I want to see God hit home runs, just like it says on His card! I want to talk with Him about what He's done and I want to be with Him when He sets more records.

Where do you live?

Ever have those times when God gives you glimpses of the calling, destiny, purpose, and/or future set before you? Maybe some of you live there - and that's what makes you the incredible visionaries that you are. Maybe you've never experienced that. I don't live there. Usually, I live with the sensation, or the underlying instinct that I'm either going the right way, or slightly off-track, or majorly off track - but just generally plodding along, "following my nose" to the general destination that I sense God is taking me to. However, occasionally I get flashes of "this" or pictures of "that" - sensations of possibility, glimpses into the "could be's," but also the "will be's". And to be honest, it kind of takes my breath away.

When I was a new Christian, I asked God to help me see the reasons why things happened, and see the connections behind things, to see how certain circumstances affected me and helped me grow. I asked Him that because I knew that if I didn't see the growth, then I would get discouraged and wouldn't last out the journey. A few years ago, I was in the middle of working out a few, ahem, personality quirks, "flesh" or "old man" reactions - and I was so overcome with what seemed like the impossibility of getting over my sinful nature. But then, every so often for a few weeks, God would give me a sudden glimpse, just like a flash of sunlight off a passing car, of the woman of God that I would become. It was extremely encouraging, because I didn't have to focus on what I was, or what I wasn't, or what I was struggling with; I could focus on the promise of God, that "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Phil 1:6).

One of the burning desires of my heart is to persevere, to live a life of ministry and not burn out. I don't want to be a statistic. I feel the call to minister, have felt it since I was sixteen (at least), and I want to live it out "until Jesus comes, or takes me home." And I think one of the ways - at least for me - to prevent burnout and to endure, is to focus on the promises of God in my life. I could focus on the negative in my life - all the things that I wish were happening, in and out of ministry, and are not (and to be honest, I live there far more frequently than I should) - but instead I need to choose to focus on what God said will be. He's said some pretty big things to me. And I need to look for what God is saying is and will, not what isn't and hasn't. I need to look for the promises. I read a colleague's blog recently and I was pretty inspired. In it he talks about changing his mindset from seeing his church grow big in the next 20 years to seeing his city changed and impacted in the next 20 years. Talk about vision! Man, my heart leaps in me when I read that. Something in me does a fist-pump in the air and yells, yes!

The Bible talks about how "where there is no vision, the people perish" (Prov 29:18). The ESV says, "Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint." There have been many times when I have felt like I was living less than the "abundant life" that Jesus promised, and I am sure that it's had to do with feeling directionless. (God knows, I need direction! I'm SO a roadmap kind of person!). I want to live in the promises of God. I'm not saying that I want to live in the clouds and la-la land and not have to deal with anything. I'm talking, living with "every spiritual blessing" that Ephesians refers to, as reality in my life. Living with the "God says it, so it is" mindset, and the "God showed me, so this is where I'm heading" mindset. The "yes and amen" mindset, the "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" mindset.

I don't want to live just "plodding along". I want to live in a place of prophetic vision, for my life, for the ministry that God has called me to; for myself and on behalf of and for the benefit of the people I minister to.

Ezekiel 34: The Good Shepherd

I have been slogging my way through the Major Prophets (currently, Ezekiel) in my devotions recently. I say slogging not because I don't like the books, nor because I am finding nothing of interest or relevance; rather because it is hard to sit by and read about Israel's continued obstinance. The book describes their sin in gruesome detail, and sheds a bit of light on why God is so upset. In one of the books, God says that they did things that didn't even enter God's mind to do. The Israelites sacrificed their children in a burning idol to Molech. That hadn't been something that even entered God's mind for them to do. To me that speaks about the creative ability that God has given us - but I'll save that tangent for another blog.

The books that I've read recently are pretty heavy - yet scattered all through them are pockets of God's redemptive promises. This morning's read, for example: Ezekiel 34. God is rebuking the shepherds of Israel for neglecting their duties to feed them, and for taking advantage of the sheep (and eating them). Then God goes on to say how He would do the things the shepherds of Israel failed to do: seek out the scattered flock, rescue them, bring them out from the nations, and take care of them.

As I was reading this, it came to mind that obviously this was a Messianic prophecy - a passage fortelling the characteristics of the one whom God was going to send to save Israel, and furthermore the world - Jesus. It was interesting to discover the source of many references that Jesus makes during His ministry.

Here are a few that I came across:

1. Ezekiel 34:14-15: "I will feed them in good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the LORD God."

I know this one's not strictly from Jesus' ministry, but it does correlate: Psalm 23:1-2 "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters."

2. Ezekiel 34:16: "I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy [or, I will watch over]. I will feed them in justice."

Luke 4:17-19 [Jesus at the synagogue in Nazareth]: "And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written, 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour.'"
Luke 19:10: "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."

3. Ezekiel 34:15: "I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep"

John 4:23: [Jesus speaking to the woman at the well, answering her question of which mountain is the true place to worship God]: "But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him." I know this doesn't seem to directly compare, but it says to me that God was promising a direct relationship with his people. Shepherds guide, lead, protect, teach their sheep directly. Jesus takes out the question of location in worship and speaks of a direct relationship with the Father.

4. Ezekiel 34:17-22: "As for you, my flock, thus says the Lord God: Behold, I judge between sheep and sheep, between rams and male goats. Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture, that you must tread down with your feet the rest of your pasture; and to drink of clear water, that you must muddy the rest of the water with your feet? And must my sheep eat what you have trodden with your feet, and drink what you have muddied with your feet? Therefore, thus says the Lord GOD to them: Behold, I, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you push with side and shoulder, and thrust at all the weak with your horns, till you have scattered them abroad, I will rescue my flock; they shall no longer be a prey. And I will judge between sheep and sheep."

Matthew 23:1-4, 13-15, 23: "Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, "The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat, so practice and observe what they tell you--but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger....But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in...For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves....For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you have ought to have done, without neglecting the others.""

5. Ezekiel 34: 23, 24: "And I will set up over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he shall feed them: he shall feed them and be their shepherd. And I, the LORD, will be their God, and my servant David shall be prince among them. I am the LORD; I have spoken."

John 10:14-16: "I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd."

John 6:35, 48-51, 53-58: "Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst....I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh."...So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood lhas eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As othe living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate, and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”"

Tithing and Trusting

This weekend I got to experience God's blessing.

People have said on many occasions that you can't out-give God. If you are faithful to tithe, to trust God with your finances, and step out in faith, then you will see and experience the providence of God in ways that would blow your mind.

I've heard that from more lips than I can count, and all from esteemed, well-established ministers who have walked that road and have come out with those experiences in hand. They know what they are talking about. I had thought that I was 'living by faith'. I thought that I was being obedient with my money. I have tithed all of my working life, and in fact have tried to make it a practice to give more than 10%.

But sometimes I get a little possessive with the rest of it. I am ok instituting rules in my life. Laws are easy. Religion is easy. It gives clear definitions on what is and isn't to be. There's no heart in it, no submitting to God, no listening to Him, other than the original heart transaction that caused the law to be instituted in the first place.

Listening to God, however, and "giving as God leads you" is more difficult. There is more room for self-justification, for doubt, for greed, for fear, or for any of those things to war against submission to, trust in, and relationship with God. It becomes easy to say, "Is God really asking me to give that?" or "But there are so many things that I could do with that instead/this is what I was planning on doing with that" or "If I give then I won't have enough for this".

I think part of the reason I get that way is this: I have not on a regular basis allowed room in my life for trusting God to provide. I mean like, provide in the extreme. I've had to trust God for student loans. But it's not like, trust for basic essentials of life: food, shelter, etc. If I didn't get student loans then I wouldn't go to school - but I could still eat. I still had a job and I could still travel, I could still do the things I wanted.

This weekend I went to Vancouver. It was my niece's birthday party this Saturday, and the majority of my family was going to be there. But it's super expensive to travel from Hardy to Vancouver. I desperately wanted to go but I knew that I couldn't afford it, and had decided to cancel my trip. But I said, "Ok God, if you want me to go, then you need to get me there."

A day or two later, a friend from Nanaimo texted me to tell me that she had tickets to a concert in Vancouver on Saturday night. She said that if I could get to Nanaimo then she could get me to Van. And it just so happened that one of my youth was moving to Parksville on Friday. So I asked, and his mom graciously let me hitch a ride with them, and even drove me the extra way to Nanaimo.

Here's where the extreme trusting comes in. I had set aside some money to go down. Things came up and I ended up having only the bare minimum to cover ferry costs and a little bit extra. I hadn't given my tithe yet, and I knew I could take it as a buffer. But God has also been challenging my heart position - to honour God by tithing FIRST, and trust him to provide for the rest. I had gotten into the habit of dipping into my tithe and repaying it later if I was running low on money and hadn't given my tithe yet. Kind of like a credit card. Essentially even though I was being technically obedient by eventually tithing, I wasn't trusting.

All those stories about God's providence and blessing came to mind - and I made a decision to give my tithe before I left for Vancouver. Let me tell you, I came away more blessed and with a surplus than what I had gone down with. The thing was, it was an active trust experience: the act of trust didn't stop with me tithing. I had to trust each time I went on the ferry; I had to trust each time I went to buy food; I had to trust each time I took transit, etc. And I watched the blessing and providence pour in.

Side note: God knows the desire of our hearts. As a teenager I loved the band that we went to see. I only dreamed of seeing them, then the opportunity was lost as they disbanded. But they have a comeback tour more than a decade later - and I get to see them for free! A desire and a love that I had as a teenager - God cared about. Interesting thing - halfway during the concert, a woman that worked there gave us free tickets to the same band for the next night's show, only better seats. It was blessing and favour - and I felt God say that not only did he have a different blessing for me that next night, but also that I was to pass on a blessing. So I declined to go - and got to pass God's goodness on to someone else.

Through people, this weekend, God showed his love, favour, providence, and blessing to me. People spontaneously gave to me, wanted to bless me. I came back home with boxes of things that I needed and a cheque in my pocket. I came back refreshed, relaxed, and with far more than I had left with.

God knows what I need. God knows what you need. And he knows the desires of our hearts - remembers them, even if we forget. And he gives more than we even ask or imagine. I want to live from a place of implicit, extreme trust - because I know that it's the safest place to be.

James 1:2-4

This morning I read,

"Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

What is the full effect of steadfastness? What does it look like to let steadfastness have its full effect? It implies that we can cut steadfastness short. So what does that look like?

Song for the day

Love these lyrics by Brooke Fraser:

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
towards home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing; less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when I began
And I've sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

"Shadowfeet" - Brooke Fraser

Signs of the times

Signs that children live in the house:

1. Plugs and/or caps on all the electrical outlets.
2. Plastic hooks on the inside of every cabinet.
3. Plastic/rubber safety catches on the outside of every cabinet.
3. Fragile, unsafe, or inedible items all stored 3' or higher. Soon to be stored 4' or higher. Especially when children tote around stools.
4. No presents under the Christmas Tree, due to the certainty of pre-Christmas unwrapping. Forcefully.
5. Re-rolled toilet paper, slightly damp, in bathroom.
6. Mann's Broccolini box resting by kids' table. It IS the racecar.
7. Caps on all the doorknobs. Slightly confounding to non-parental adults as well as children.


Signs that educated, technologically advanced parents live in the house:

1. Computer screen being converted into a tv and the PS3 used as DVD/hard drive so that child can watch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".
2. Subsequent social commentary on "Rudolph" movie. Deemed neo-fascist and "yelly".
3. Laptops in front of every adult. At least one computer with Linux installed on it.
4. An entire shelf dedicated to Catan and Carcassonne, with every expansion that has been made.
5. Child knows sign language, as well as by the age of 18 months can point out 25 different pieces of anatomy, understands and can answer simple sentences, and can make the sounds of 15 different animals when asked. (My personal favorites are, "What does a kitty say?" "MAAOW!"; and, "What does a lion say?" "RAAAAAAHR!") Also knows within 3 minutes the name of any new adult. Also can say at least 20 words. Especially "no." "Nononononono!!!"
6. Theories on why people have sites on the internet called "sproutpeople.org" such as, "Brussel sprouts are so awful that people who life them have to band together so that they don't get kicked off the internet." Also, "You know why sprouts are so awful? It's cuz they're pure, concentrated boring."

Current Status:

This is what I feel like doing:

Taking my inside, folding it up, putting it in a box, and kicking it under my bed. Buh-bye! O wait, I kinda already did that. Too late.

Another analogy: shutting myself off. A big, fat, heavy light switch - turn it off with a loud, satisfying clunk. Or loud, echoing clunk. Take your pick.

And yet. Someone gave me a word a few weeks ago, which was, "It's time to unpack your runaway bag." I thought I did that. [Didn't feel like it had lasting fruit....but that's not for me to decide.] Guess I have to do it again.

I guess I have a chronic problem with packing up everything (in boxes, in runaway bags)....it's a theme. Gonna have to deal with that. I just don't like to see the insides of those boxes/bags/me. Hurts too much, especially when I try to sort it out and it doesn't sort the way I think it should. I guess I should let God do the sorting.

The Paradox

'Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”' Luke 9:62

I have to struggle to identify what is "giving up" and what is "giving to Him." He asks me to give Him things, but in my mind that's equal to giving it up. I don't think that's true; I think giving it to Him is being willing to give it up. At least in the case of this particular thing He's asked me to give to Him.

This particular thing that He's asked me to give up has been such a large part of my life. It's been with me ever since I can remember. I discovered tonight, as I was reminded that it's no longer mine, that I have entire trains of thought and habitual thinking patterns revolving around this thing. I based my entire life - consciously or unconsciously - around this thing.

Last night I was sitting, praying and preparing to give this all to Him, and I came to the realization that I had put my entire life on hold for this. I was waiting. Not making any decisions, not making any plans, in case it affected this thing. I wasn't living. Jesus said that He came to bring life, and life abundantly. I have hardly been living, let alone abundantly! And this thing is such a part of me - but it's been holding me back. And it's funny, because I felt like this thing was going to fulfill me.

I feel like it's such a paradox. Because God wants all of me, all of my life and He wants me to die to self - yet He wants me to live the life He's given me. It's mine. Not anyone else's. I felt him say that so clearly to me. Yet I die to myself and give Him everything. All so that He can give me life to the full.

So here lies another part of my struggle. Because this was such a huge part of me, I feel grief at the loss. Truly. But Jesus says not to look back from the plough. In my grief, am I looking back from the plough, or am I going through the process of giving it to Him? I hope the latter. God has challenged me to truly desire Him more than anything, and to give Him all of me so that there is nothing left. And I want Him more than anything else. When the rubber meets the road, I make the conscious decision to say, "Lord, I want you more than this. I want YOU more than this. I want YOU more than this!!!" I still feel pain though.

Again though, it comes back to living life abundantly through Christ. When I was praying this through, I felt joy at the understanding that God wanted to give me abundant life. There's no more bondage to those things. If I am dead to myself, then I have no more fear about my reputation, no more inhibitions, no more worries about my life - and at the very same time, my life now comes from Christ, and He only gives the best and the most. Fulfillment in Christ.

"And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?" Luke 9:23-25

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10