Signs of the times

Signs that children live in the house:

1. Plugs and/or caps on all the electrical outlets.
2. Plastic hooks on the inside of every cabinet.
3. Plastic/rubber safety catches on the outside of every cabinet.
3. Fragile, unsafe, or inedible items all stored 3' or higher. Soon to be stored 4' or higher. Especially when children tote around stools.
4. No presents under the Christmas Tree, due to the certainty of pre-Christmas unwrapping. Forcefully.
5. Re-rolled toilet paper, slightly damp, in bathroom.
6. Mann's Broccolini box resting by kids' table. It IS the racecar.
7. Caps on all the doorknobs. Slightly confounding to non-parental adults as well as children.


Signs that educated, technologically advanced parents live in the house:

1. Computer screen being converted into a tv and the PS3 used as DVD/hard drive so that child can watch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".
2. Subsequent social commentary on "Rudolph" movie. Deemed neo-fascist and "yelly".
3. Laptops in front of every adult. At least one computer with Linux installed on it.
4. An entire shelf dedicated to Catan and Carcassonne, with every expansion that has been made.
5. Child knows sign language, as well as by the age of 18 months can point out 25 different pieces of anatomy, understands and can answer simple sentences, and can make the sounds of 15 different animals when asked. (My personal favorites are, "What does a kitty say?" "MAAOW!"; and, "What does a lion say?" "RAAAAAAHR!") Also knows within 3 minutes the name of any new adult. Also can say at least 20 words. Especially "no." "Nononononono!!!"
6. Theories on why people have sites on the internet called "sproutpeople.org" such as, "Brussel sprouts are so awful that people who life them have to band together so that they don't get kicked off the internet." Also, "You know why sprouts are so awful? It's cuz they're pure, concentrated boring."