Boxes

Several people have had words for me in the last few months that I have dreams, all in boxes, and they're shoved away and shelved. There is one box, one large box, in particular, that is kind of the central box. And God is wanting me to take them off the shelves, and start to unpack them.

I have difficulties with this, for a number of reasons. First, I don't even know what some of these boxes hold anymore. It's like I've shoved them away and they've gotten enveloped into my heart and hidden, and I can't remember what they were. I've forgotten those dreams. So, how can I unpack it if I have no idea what it is?

Secondly, the only one that I really know what it is - the big box - that's not something that I have control over. Only God does. So how can I unpack it if I CAN'T unpack it?

Third, looking at and trying to unpack this big box - which seems to be the key to all these other boxes - it hurts. It's too painful to look at because it reminds me of what is out of my reach. Why would I open up this box - live with this huge dream that's yet unfulfilled and completely out of my control - only to live in constant pain? It is far easier to shove it under the bed so I don't even see it, let alone have it on a shelf where I can glance at it. I know that eventually this dream - and all of these dreams - will be fulfilled; I've already trusted God with it. But for right now, I don't want that constant reminder. What else can I do but shelve it and focus on something else?

However. God has said for me to unpack them, not shelve them. I guess part of the "how" of unpacking them comes through a) praying to find out what are in these boxes that I've forgotten about; b) praying to find out how I am supposed to unpack them...and I think that there are unconventional methods...instead of taking a direct road, more like preparing for the fulfilling of the dreams. Still hurts, but I need to walk in trust that God will do what he says and that he knows what he's doing.